A New Kind of Love

We come today to the words of Paul that you are most like to find in framed on a shelf, in calligraphy. I once cross-stitched these words on a sampler and gave them as a wedding gift. Many couples choose to have these words read at their wedding. Paul isn’t writing about romance with 7 ways to live your happily ever after, though.

This is the apex of Paul’s letter, to a church, in conflict. He has addressed 3 main issues that were dividing the church. 1. They were arguing over leadership, and Paul makes an appeal for unity with in the church asking, “Is Christ divided?” 2. They were arguing over ethical boundaries and how much good church people were free to adopt the culture of Corinth. In Christ, they were free from the law, so were there no rules in this worldly port city? Paul responds, “All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. Therefore, whatever you engage in, whatever you eat, whatever you drink, do everything to the glory of God and be imitators of Christ.” 3. And they were arguing over power, which gift of the Spirit is best, because surely the people chosen to get the most exceptional gifts are extra special. Paul responds that what is exceptional about the gifts of the Spirit is found in the variety, the diversity of gifts. Every person is anointed by the Holy Spirit with gifts for service to work for the good of the whole.

Remember, they have been sitting together, ALL of them together, except I just imagine there were some clusters. The Apollos followers over here, the Peter followers there, Paul followers, and then the “we are doing things the Jesus way” bunch. The group who was circumcised, born Jewish, still following the law and not sure about the new folks who don’t being part of the church…they sat close to the front. The group that usually ate in the formal dining room, who didn’t have to work all day,…they probably sat together…they understood each other, each other’s problems…they were friends. Maybe some sat together who had the same spiritual gift, it had made them close…and also revealed to them who really was in and who maybe just wanted to be. I imagine all of the clusters had some hope that Paul was going to take their side and settle the arguments, affirm their stance, and deal with that other bunch who were wrong. Instead, they all were a bit chagrinned.

Paul’s message to the church broke down to, “ALL of you, live in unity, doing what is beneficial for God’s glory and you will receive gifts of the Holy Spirit to use for the good of the whole.” This is about: Unity. Humility. Community.

And then he broke it down further. The core of the division was relationship. They all loved Jesus. They all wanted to be faithful followers. And Paul says you are the Body of Christ. God is now working through YOU in the world. And as the body of Christ, there is something new that is in you, that knits you together. There is a new kind of love.

The Greeks had different words for love, and you can find lists of lots of different distinct words that have variation in usage and meaning, but you can do that in English too. There were two main words that the Corinthians would have used for love. There was eros, romance, erotica. It is the love of body chemistry, passion, physical desire. And there was philia, brotherly love. It is the love of reason, of loyalty, of relationship. Neither of those words was sufficient for what Paul wanted to describe.

But there was a word that meant “inclining toward” something. And so, Paul took that word and redefined it. The word? Agape.
Our translation says, “I am going to show you a still more excellent way.” Literally it means I am going to show you a mountain pass. It is hard to climb a mountain, and the Corinthians are sitting there together wondering if they need to split up from some of these people who are going out and acting all kinds of ways or cast them out or call them to repent or what. And Paul says, there is a mountain pass. There is a way through, and honestly, it is the only way to get to the other side of this mountain range. Agape.

Agape is the love that Jesus modeled. It is the love that inclines toward everyone. It is the love that doesn’t label – there is no longer Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, my side and your side, Red and Blue, American or French or Ukranian or Chinese or Mexican or Japanese or Russian, Black or White or Hispanic, church member who is there any time the doors are open or never darkened the door of a church, no longer friend or enemy. German Christian martyr, Dietrich Bonhoeffer described this inclination toward everyone, even enemy, pointing out that it isn’t that the enemy becomes a friend. This love is for a person who refuses the offer and remains opposed to the one making it.

Love is patient, literally means agape puts anger far away. This is the love that holds you back, even though you could retaliate. This isn’t a sweet waiting word, this is the love that is shown when you have the enemy down on the ground and you could finish the job, and you both know it, and you don’t. Love is kind, Paul doesn’t mean love leaves nice surprises in mailboxes. Paul is saying the person who shows agape love is a peacemaker, a calming presence in the storm, able to soothe and comfort and heal the wounds caused by anger.

Agape love does not incline toward a pretty good list of things the folks in Corinth have been inclining toward. Agape is not concerned with positional power: it isn’t going around talking about how great I am, how “blessed” I am; it isn’t “puffed up” (the Greek word literally has to do with inflating something). Agape doesn’t have “the big head.” The echoes of the fights over who is the best leader and who this group follows and that group follows have to be reverberating.

Agape is not arrogant or rude, rude is a poor translation, I think. It is related to being involved in shameful behavior. Paul is responding to all the things he has addressed already. Agape doesn’t engage, even though it may be permitted, you may have freedom in Christ to do what you want, you don’t, because it isn’t beneficial. Agape is concerned for the other, it isn’t concerned about my rights, it is concerned about what is best for others.

Because Agape does not insist on its own way; it does not seek for self. Agape says “The world doesn’t revolve around me, and I don’t want it to.”

Love is not irritable or resentful. Love has a long fuse, and a low recall. Agape remembers well; it seeks healing for memory in a way that allows the past to be redeemed and protects the future from being poisoned. It tends the wounds of the past rather, not just bandaging them, burying them, but letting them get oxygen, carefully removing the debris, putting salve on the wound, and letting the wounds heal.

Finally, love does not rejoice in what is wrong. It doesn’t partake in the things in the culture around that it knows are wrong – the stuff of a port city where everything worldly is on every street – the worship of the pagan gods, the sexual immorality of a port city, the spectacles of the Roman amphitheaters offering violence as entertainment. Augustine lamented his friend’s submission to its power saying “as soon as he saw that blood he therewith imbibed a sort of savageness; nor did he turn away, but fixed his eye, drinking in madness unconsciously, and was delighted with the guilty context, and drunken with the bloody pastime. Nor was he now the same as he came in…”

Instead, agape rejoices in what is right. I love the literal meaning here of what we translate “it bears all things” – it is moisture tight – it will keep the rain off your head and the water out of your boat. Agape will keep you from flooding or drowning, and that protection is going to endure.

Corinth was known for its brass work. Artisans banged on bronze all day long, and among the things they fashioned were mirrors.
Without agape, says Paul, we are like the street outside their shops, clanging and banging, and even when we work hard to get it right the best we can do to look at ourselves and see Jesus looking back is comparable to what we see when we look into a pounded sheet of bronze.

Other spiritual gifts come and go, they are given by the Holy Spirit according to the needs and the purposes of God. But faith, hope, and love abide. Faith lifts us beyond what we can see today, it is the trust that one day we will see; hope sustains us today, it anchors us in the storms of life; and love, agape is a taste of eternity, it is the way of the Kingdom of God. Perhaps we need these words on our shelves and walls to remind us, to guide us in the everyday moments of life; Perhaps we need these reminders read to us when we are committing to marriage, or any kind of community.

I know I have shared with many of you that one of the things I say to young adults preparing for marriage in our counseling is that there will come a day when you wake up and your spouse is sleeping beside you, and you will look over and think to yourself, “Out of all the people in the world, I chose you. I CHOSE you. I chose YOU.” And you will have to make that choice again, over and over again. They always giggle-laugh like I don’t know what I am talking about, and everybody who has been married for a while chuckle-laughs like “I know THAT’s right.”

Years ago in Reader’s Digest, humorist Sam Levenson was quoted as saying, “Love at first sight is easy to understand. It’s when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle” (Reader’s Digest [3/83]). But it’s not really a miracle; it’s the result of yielding to God, repeatedly confronting our selfishness and daily practicing biblical love in our homes, and in the church, and in our lives.

God chooses us, and shows us God’s love in Jesus. And the way we respond is to choose God, and to show God’s love in our relationships. It’s a new kind of love – Agape – maybe Paul was writing about how to live happily ever after.