Love Brings It All Together

Twice a year, when the weather warms and when the weather cools, I go through all of the kids’ clothes. Two piles are made: too small and still fits. Once I finish, I know what they have and what they need. One blogger wrote about this process saying that another advantage is that getting dressed is easier. I hadn’t thought of it, but I guess it is. Last Sunday, we began inventorying our spiritual closets.

The writer of Colossians tells us to organize our closets. What do we have? What do we need? So that we can clothe ourselves with compassion, gut-felt mercy, kindness, with no harshness or bitterness, humility, remembering that we are ALL children of God, meekness, strength and power under God’s control, and patience, slow to reach the boiling point of anger. All five traits allow us to bear with one another, to live together, and what makes the outfit – what brings it all together – the belt that holds it all together – love.

Rev. Harlyn Kuschel served churches in Wisconsin for more than 20 years. He wrote about this passage from Colossians, “As they live together with one another and with their unbelieving neighbors in the world, believers must always remember that they are sinners living with sinners. In spite of all their efforts, there will be lapses in Christian living. Blemishes and faults will show. There will be occasions when even Christians will hurt each other and complaints against one another will rise. But day after day believers will work to understand. They will bear with each other and help each other, lovingly overlooking slights and injuries….And they will cheerfully forgive each other, just as Christ has forgiven them.”

Life in Christ is life in community; as the body of Christ, clothed by these virtues and held up by love.

In 1909 at 27 years old, Sonora Louise Smart Dodd, wanted to honor her father. He was a Civil War veteran. His wife, her mother, died in childbirth with their sixth child. And her father raised all six children with love and care. She coordinated a city-wide celebration, on June 19, 1910, in churches across Spokane, Washington, sermons honoring fathers were delivered, and the idea caught on. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson spoke at the celebration in Spokane. In 1924, President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father’s Day to “establish more intimate relations between fathers and their children and to impress upon fathers the full measure of their obligations.”

On Father’s Day, we honor the special relationship that exists between fathers and their children. And we give thanks for fathers and father-figures in our lives. We remember that there are 2 million single fathers in the world today. We rejoice that there are more than 214,000 stay-at-home dads. In the United States, according to census data, there are more than 70.1 million fathers.

None of them is perfect. Your father isn’t perfect. If you are a father, you are not perfect. But what binds us together is love.

Friday night, Chris and I were backstage parents for the production our kids are in. And they didn’t have enough ushers. So, I got recruited. In my jeans and my grey shirt. I had dressed for backstage, warmly, because it is always so cold. And ushers are supposed to wear crisp white shirts and black pants. So, I was still a little self-concerned as we got home. To which Chris said, “You made an effort though. You looked nice.” It was good enough.

This is the essence of what Colossians is teaching the community of believers. Make an effort, notice the effort in others. Be good enough fathers, and mothers. Go to your closet, and if you see a robe of perfection, go ahead and throw it out. It doesn’t fit. You aren’t going to be perfect, and neither are your children. Bear with one another. You aren’t always going to get it right. So, be ready to listen and adjust. And forgive yourself and each other. Because over it all, you are bound together by love.

Gary Chapman, in his book, The Five Love Languages of Children, shares the story of two parents who are ranchers. They are fiercely independent, and they are raising their boys to be self-reliant too. They attended a Five Love Languages marriage seminar, and after the seminar, they came up to Dr. Chapman and challenged the idea that acts of service was a way to express love.

Will said, “I don’t believe parents should do things for children that they can do for themselves. How are you gonna teach them to be independent if you keep on doing things for them? They’ve got to learn to rope their own steer.”

Gary asked them if their boys really felt loved. “Suppose so. They should,” came the answer.
So he challenged Will to get each of the boys alone and say, “Son, I want to ask you a question that I’ve never asked you, but it is important for me to know. Do you feel that I love you? Shoot straight. I really want to know how you feel.” Will didn’t really think it was necessary, but Gary upped the challenge “You won’t ever know if you don’t ask.”

So, he started with his younger son, Buck. “Sure, Dad, I know you love me,” came Buck’s reply. “When you go into town, you always take me along. On the trail, you make sure we get some time to talk. I’ve always thought it was pretty special to get to spend so much time with you, as busy as you are. Is something wrong? You ain’t gonna die or something, are ya?”

“Naw, I ain’t gonna die. I just wanted to make sure you know I love you.”

Whew. It took a week to muster the courage to ask his older son, 17 year old, Jake. “I don’t know how to say this exactly, Pa,” replied Jake, “I guess I know you love me, but sometimes I don’t feel it.
Sometimes I feel you don’t love me at all.”

Swallow hard. “When’s that, Son?”

“When I need you and you don’t help me….I tell myself that it’s cause you are trying to make me independent, but I keep feeling like you don’t love me. Like the time the fire started on the lower forty and I sent word by Buck that I needed your help. He came back and told me you said you knew I could do it myself. Buck and I got it out all right, but I kept wondering why you didn’t come. Or that time the wagon got stuck and I asked you to help me get it out. You said I got it stuck and I could figure out how to get it out. I knew I could get it out, but I wanted you to help me.”

Will listened and apologized. But, when Jake really knew he heard was seven months later, when he and Buck were in the wagon, fording a creek, and got stuck. They worked more than two hours and couldn’t loosen it. Finally, Jake sent Buck for their dad, who saddled up immediately and rode back with Buck to the creek.

Will isn’t a perfect father, but he is a good father. And he was willing to do the hard work of sorting out the clothes in the closet. He took time with the people he loves to ask what fits, and what doesn’t.

Are you? The Colossian church was in danger of being split up. False teachers were creating factions and planting fear. And they are reminded, and so are we, to bear with one another and forgive each other’s blunders and faults and sins. To clean out our closets, clothing ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, and putting on and adjusting the fit of the belt of love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.