Now…and Not Yet

I will never forget the first time I really heard this Psalm. I was 26, at the funeral of a friend’s sister. Her sister had battled cancer and the battle had ended in her death as a single young woman in her 20’s. My friend stood up and read this Psalm. She shared that it was her sister’s favorite Scripture. Her sister had prayed this Psalm over and over. I couldn’t believe she was so…so honest. Here, at her sister’s funeral, that she would reveal that her sister struggled with God. It penetrated to my core because it meant that I had to wrestle with her death as well, and I had to include God in that wrestling. I had to engage the reality of her death with my faith.

How long, O Lord? Long enough for us to all pray for her. Long enough for her to suffer through surgeries and radiation and chemo. Long enough for her to travel for second and third opinions and back. Long enough for her to die. How long, O Lord? So long that she found comfort in the Psalm because she wasn’t the only one who thought God had forgotten her forever. So long that she found comfort in the Psalm because she wasn’t the only one who searched for God’s face but it was hidden. So long that she found comfort in the Psalm because she wasn’t the only one who asked how long she had to bear pain within herself, sorrow in her heart all day. So long that she found comfort in the Psalm because she wasn’t the only one who wondered how long her enemy would be lifted against her.

Old Testament scholar Walter Bruggemann calls Psalm 13 a psalm of disorientation. It is “speech ‘at the limit’ speaking about experience ‘at the limit.’” “Life,” says Bruggemann, “is…savagely marked by disequilibrium, incoherence, and unrelieved asymmetry. In our time – perhaps in any time – that needs no argument or documentation.”

How long, O Lord? How long will life be marked by young people dying? By illness? By turmoil? By violence? By fear? By addiction? By brokenness? By pain? Every news cycle reveals the reality that darkness is resilient. Shootings and terror, healthcare and immigration, investigations and tensions,…very little light seems to shine through the headlines.

We live in an imperfect world, where God’s Kingdom is now and not yet come into full reality. So, how do we respond?

We can pretend everything is managed and controlled. We can focus on doing life as a church “decently and in order.” We can respectfully bow our heads and fold our hands and close our eyes and politely pray for God to hear our prayers and answer according to God’s will. Bruggemann claims that the church has “intuitively avoided” psalms like Psalm 13. He says, “They lead us into dangerous acknowledgement of how life really is. They lead us into the presence of God where everything is not polite and civil. They cause us to think unthinkable throughts and utter unutterable words. Perhaps worst, they lead us away from the comfortable religious claims of ‘modernity’ in which everything is managed and controlled. In our modern experience, but probably also in every successful and affluent culture, it is believed that enough power and knowledge can tame the terror and eliminate the darkness.”

We can submit to fear. We can focus on all that might happen and try to maneuver around the shadows of the unknown. Old Testament scholar Beth LaNeel Tanner asks, “When did we become a society based on fear? It is easy to answer that 9/11 changed everything, but we were being sold fear long before that fateful day….What happened to Franklin D. Roosevelt’s brave answer in his 1933 Inaugural Address, ‘The only thing we have to fear is fear itself?’ We have become a society where fear sells everything from the latest weather forecast to new cars. Much of our economy is fueled by tapping into our fears.” And so she recommends that we place our trust in God and at the same time seek to live on a more level path by placing the dangers and fears with which we are bombarded daily through news, social media, advertising, politicians, and advocacy groups into context. What are the real chances? Who or what is a real threat?

Or we can be like my friend’s sister and gain, through honesty, a deep and sustaining relationship with God. We can cry out “How long, O Lord?…I’m getting weak and I need you. We can remember God’s promises and track record so that we have strength to hold on. God has been steadfast in love.

“Jesus went about the cities and villages teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the Good News of the kingdom and curing every disease and every sickness. When he saw the crowd, he had compassion for them because they were harassed and helpless-like sheep without a shepherd.”

My friend’s sister did not believe everything was managed and controlled. She did not submit to fear. She knew that God was with her even in the darkest valley of the shadow of death. She knew that God was the light for her eyes, and that even death could not win because she was not shaken. Because she trusted in God’s steadfast love, rejoiced in God’s salvation, and the song on her lips even as she drew her last breath was a song to the Lord. For God had compassion on her and dealt well with her.

Psalm 13 is a personal psalm of lament. It is not a community effort, but an individual prayer. As we celebrate the independence of our great nation this week, I encourage you to take some time to not only give thanks for our democracy and our veterans, and for our abundance and our blessings. But let’s not pretend everything is managed and controlled. Let’s not give in to fear. This Independence Day, take time to pray from your heart “How long, O Lord?” How long will hate and division continue? How long will race and gender effect the treatment of individuals? How long will 15 million children in these United States live in poverty? How long will 40,000 veterans continue to be homeless, many because of mental illness, disability, and problems with substance abuse, results of their service to us? How long…my list goes on. It’s a personal list. I am sure you have one as well. This Independence Day, may we each pray as the psalmist prayed. A personal prayer to God, who has been and will be steadfast in love and compassion. How long, O Lord? How long?