Learning to Forgive
This morning’s Scripture is the conclusion of Jesus’s instruction in response to the disciples’ question, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Jesus’s rather shocking response was to call over a child, and say that unless you become like this child, a useful tool of your master, you won’t even enter the kingdom of heaven. Then Jesus went on to tell the parable of 100 sheep. When 1 wanders away and is lost, the shepherd leaves the 99 and goes and looks for it. Then he talks about what to do about that one when they sin against you. First, address it directly and kindly, one on one. Then, bring in some witnesses to offer other perspectives. Finally, bring them before the assembly to try to intervene and effect change. And if they refuse to listen, treat them like a Gentile or a tax collector…which means if Jesus is our example, How did Jesus treat Gentiles? He ate with them went to their houses, And tax collectors? This is in Matthew’s Gospel, the disciple who was a tax collector and Jesus called Matthew the Tax Collector to follow him. By saying let them be to you like a Gentile or a tax collector, Jesus doesn’t give us permission to write them off, instead he calls us to be like the shepherd who goes after the sheep who has gone astray.
And Peter is listening, and he is feeling like he is really getting it. “Yes, Lord. Forgive my siblings. How many times, Lord? Seven times? The number of completion, the number of perfection, of divine order?”
And Jesus says, “No. Seventy times seven times.” Peter instantly knew what Jesus was referring to when he said seventy times seven times. Forgive to the complete opposite of Lamech.
Jesus is referring to Lamech in Genesis. Let’s go back and remember who Lamech was. Remember Adam and Eve, after they were sent out of the Garden of Eden, they had two sons – Cain and Abel. God accepted Abel’s sacrifice, but not Cain’s, so Cain murdered Abel. God punished Cain, but also put a mark on him that protected him saying that anyone who killed him would suffer vengeance 7 times over. The mark is God’s undeserved mercy for Cain. Vengeance against evil is God’s, and with the mark and the deterrence of vengeance 7 times over, God refuses to avenge Abel’s death and is ending the cycle of violence by keeping anyone else from avenging it.
Fast forward five generations to Cain’s great-great-great grandson, Lamech. Lamech confesses to his wives that he killed a young man who hit him and says if Cain is avenged 7 times if anyone hurts him, Lamech says he will be avenged seventy times seven times if anyone hurts him. Lamech will unleash vengeance seventy times seven worse. The way of Lamech is the way of retaliation and revenge – the way of cycles of violence.
And Jesus calls us to a different way –a polar opposite way – a way that seeks to forgive with as much intensity as Lamech seeks vengeance.
I think it is important to pause and say what is and what is not forgiveness, though.
We live in a culture likes to move on; that encourages us to brush off or minimize the wrong that we have endured; we might say, “Oh, it’s FINE. Don’t worry about it,” but that is not forgiving. That is stuffing. That hurt goes into a little ball and gets put in a little corner within us to rot…until one day it smells so bad that you go get it out, or something happens and it gets jostled and all of a sudden there is rotten anger and hurt smeared all over the place.
Fred Craddock tells about a six-year-old boy whose mom told him to stop running through the house. “You might stumble and fall and hurt yourself or break something,” she warned. So, of course, he ran and stumbled and fell and broke a vase. His father saw it all happen, picked the little boy up, dusted him off, and said, “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a vase.” His mother, however, knelt down and gathered up the shattered pieces and said softly, “It wasn’t just a vase. It was my favorite vase. My mother gave it to me, her mother gave it to her, and I looked forward to giving it to my children.” And she wept, and the little boy wept, and the mother took him in her arms and hugged him and he hugged her back. (Why Is Forgiveness So Difficult?) Forgiveness doesn’t just sweep up the broken pieces and say “Oh, it’s fiiine. Don’t worry about it.” Forgiving names the hurt – like the mom and little boy did.
Forgiveness also doesn’t chide, “Y’all kiss and make up.” Forgiving someone does not mean that all is forgotten and your relationship is just like it was before…maybe even better. Forgiving doesn’t even mean that there is no rift or space or caution between you.
This summer we went to Belfast and toured the neighborhood of The Troubles. There are gates and a no-man’s land, right straight through the neighborhood. The conflict in Northern Ireland started, we think, in the 16th Century, no one really can tell you what the whole conflict is about – it’s a combination of different views on religion and politics and national identity and land. There is no one reason for the centuries-long rift, but it was really violent from 1968-1998, 30 years of neighbors bombing neighbors. 30 years of putting up memorials with photographs of loved ones killed and of the destruction left on both sides. And our tour guide said at every memorial – for every story of pain on this side of the wall, there is a matching story on the other, tit for tat. That’s what happens when we engage in Lamech’s cycle of revenge. On Good Friday 1998, the neighbors signed a peace agreement. It doesn’t mean that the walls have come down. The gates still lock every night and unlock the next morning. It will be generations before the wounds of lost loved ones at the hand of the other side are healed enough to do more than stop the cycle of violence. There will be no kissing and making up. Instead there are reminders of the pain that the cycle of violence has inflicted on both sides. On Shankill Road, in 2011, a peace memorial was erected – three tall metal markers with the words “Remember, Respect, Resolution.”
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the person didn’t harm you, or even that the harm is healed. It does not mean tolerating ongoing harm. Forgiving doesn’t mean ignoring or excusing abuse or betrayal or disrespect or hurt. Forgiving means not seeking revenge.
The kingdom of heaven, Jesus tells Peter, is like a king who is settling accounts. One servant owed him 10,000 talents. When you have a king, all of the king’s subjects are the king’s servants…everyone bows to the king. This particular servant must have been quite well-to-do. He might have been in charge of a province or a tax collector for a region – whatever he did, it was lucrative because somehow, he had amassed 10,000 talents in debt. Most scholars agree that a talent is somewhere around 15 years worth of salary for a typical wage-earner. If we do some quick math, the average annual salary in the US is $69,770. So, multiply that by 15 years you have $1,046,550. We are talking about 10,000 talents, so we are looking at a debt of 10 billion,465 million, 500,000 dollars. The servant doesn’t have it. Who knows what he’s done to spend it – or what favors he got in return for not collecting it for the king…but now he does not have it, and he falls on his knees before the king. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begs, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The king has mercy and cancels the debt and lets him go.
And on his way out of town, he runs into a guy who owes him 100 denarii. He grabs him and shoves him up against the wall with his hand around his throat, choking him, he demands, “Pay back what you owe me.” Understand how much 100 denarii is – it is the rate for 6 hours of unskilled labor. In the US today, that’s $43.50. This man owes $4,350. And he falls on his knees before the king. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begs, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ But he refuses and has the debtor thrown in debtor’s prison to work there until he could pay his debt.
New Testament scholar N.T. Wright compares the two debts to being given a bucket full of water and being denied a drop of water out of that bucket.
The king learns what has happened and is furious. He has the servant brought in.
I like the way The Voice translation interprets the exchange:
“You slovenly scum,” he said, seething with anger. “You begged me to forgive your debt, and I did. 33 What would be the faithful response to such latitude and generosity? Surely you should have shown the same charity to a friend who was in your debt.”
34 The king turned over the unmerciful slave to his torturers, and they had their way with him until he had paid the whole debt. 35 “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you if you don’t forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Forgiveness means no longer trying to collect the debt. Not so that we earn God’s forgiveness. The servant didn’t earn the king forgiving him 10 billion + dollars. We cannot earn God’s forgiveness, God freely fills our bucket. God wants to fill our bucket to overflowing with forgiveness – that’s grace. But, we can refuse to be forgiving. We can decide that we are going to hold onto the debts that are owed to us. We can refuse to take a drop out of the bucket of forgiveness God has given us and offer it to someone else. And what Jesus is warning us is that when we do, we essentially are turning the bucket over and refusing to let God fill it.
And so, Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Forgive us in the same way that we forgive. When someone hurts us, we have a choice we can seek revenge – that’s the way of Lamech, or we can let go of the debt…we can stop the cycle of violence – that’s the way of Jesus, who even as he hung on the cross prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Amen.